I thought in honor of Valentine’s Day that I’d compile a list of the 10 most eligible bachelors in science fiction and fantasy. The characters below are not necessarily ones who have a bad history with relationships (though some do); rather, they are the ones who don’t seem to have much going on and could really use a few prospects.
10. Bilbo and Frodo Baggins
Truth be told, I’m not quite sure what their deals are. Are they asexual? They never seem to show any preference one way or another. And while Frodo certainly had feelings for Sam, I don’t think Tolkien (being the conservative he was) would have ever allowed him to act on those feelings. So, these two guys are probably out there in Tol Eressëa right now (remember: Frodo Lives), living it up, and entirely single.
9. Gale Hawthorne
Spoiler Alert! It’s not like Katniss really chose Peeta, but she certainly denied Gale. So, I’d imagine that he’s pretty lonely right now. He never seemed to have any interest in any one besides Katniss, and he certainly couldn’t take the whole wait-for-the-sister/daughter-to-get-older route that Twilight’s Jacob and Buffy’s Xander take because…yeah…
8. Dr. Zoidberg
Although according to Billy West, Zoidberg has a love interest, in reality he does not. And why not? He is a doctor for god’s sake! Doctors are supposed to have a leg (flipper?) up in the dating world. Give the man some love people!
7. Chief Tyrol
Upon arriving to Earth, the once noble and happy go lucky Chief heads off into the Scottish highlands all alone and unloved. He was loved by the Cylon that shot Adama, but after that, not much (unless you count his loveless marriage, which I don’t). As far as I’m concerned, he is quite in need of somebody to keep him warm up there on the Scottish moors.
Woody always had a thing with Bo Peep, but it was never really part of the story and apparently it wasn’t that much of a thing: since he let her leave the family for good! I mean, think about how much they all risk to save one another from leaving home base in these movies and then think about how Woody clearly allowed her to just go off alone. Clearly, he loved Buzz more. And Jessie is more of a sister/is spoken for. This leaves Woody quite in need of some companionship. Here’s hoping that Bonnie gets some more Woody-compatible female toys.
The man is a bazillionaire and he is the ruler of the magical island that controls all life and death on the planet. Can’t he get something going with those things? Sure he almost had Libby, but that didn’t end well. Ben’s first mission as #1 to Hurley’s Jacob should be to find Hurley some love.
4. Everyone in the Whedonverse
Mal, Angel, Spike, Xander (we all know that Dawn thing won’t last), Dr. Horrible, Captain Hammer, Charles Gunn, GILES. You could have a quite well-populated Whedon-based speed-dating service created with little hassle and endless options. But whoever the lucky girl ends up being: beware–it will end badly.
3. Inigo Montoya
Having been in the revenge business for so long, he’s not sure what to do with the rest of his life. Here’s an idea: enter into the love business. Seriously, if there’s anyone who can have a woman at “Hallo!” it’s him.
2. Neville Longbottom
Ron loves Hermione. Hermione loves Ron. Snape loves Lilly. Lilly loves James. Harry loves Ginny (Her? Really?). Lupin loves Tonks. Fleur loves Charlie (or Bill, who really knows the difference between them?). ….and Neville loves? Sure Rowling explains in her interviews that Neville falls in love with someone (it’s not Luna, as the movies suggest) after the books end, but it’s never part of the story. How come she was so obsessed with pairing her characters off that she didn’t realize that the greatest man of them all got nothing? Neville is a snake-slaying, herbology-loving, true Gryffindor. He should be taken by now.
1. Luke Fucking Skywalker
I know, I know. A certain segment of the readers will say: but what about Mara Jade! To that I say, who? Mara Jade does not exist on film. She does not exist to me. I don’t care about your stupid books. Luke Skywalker ends the holy trilogy a bachelor and he will always remain so in my mind. Sure he has bad instincts when it comes to women (but to be fair, who else was there?), but he turned Darth Vader to the good side and saved the galaxy. The man should have the person he deserves. Too bad he’s probably dead now (you know: a long time ago…) because the person he deserves is living in the year 2012–in a galaxy far, far away. Call me!
Have I overlooked anyone? Who are some bachelorettes? I admit, it was easier to find bachelors than bachelorettes. Let me know below.